Fear - DDD and Pregnancy

2019 Holy Cow!!
I am still taking it day by day.

However I do have some news. I shared in an earlier blog my fear of having kids and having the ability to have a child with this never-ending back issue.

Well in 2017 I had a child! It was a seriously tough thing. Being completly health carrying a child I am sure is tough by itself. Anyway I am going to tell you I was extremely nervous the entire pregnancy and of course nervous for the major part - DELIVERY.

I feared delivery the entire pregnancy. I feared getting bigger and gaining more weight. I feared carrying around a child and what additional stress that would cause my body. I feared the cost of delivery and also having to seek pain management again if needed.

There were lots of fears, lets just say that.

But I did it.

It was not easy. It was not a walk in the park.

But I did it.

I will say this, it was not the worst thing in the world. I did yoga every day and took whatever the OBGYN said I could which was basically tylenol.

The doctor approved a muscle relaxer which I only took when absolutely necessary.

I had an epidural during the delivery which I made clear to all doctors, nurses, residents, anyone in training, visitors, guests anyone present that I was terrified of messing up my back with an epidural. The anestheisiologist made it clear he would not hurt me.

He didn't.

My Back actually felt better for a few months after delivery from the epidural I am guessing...Hopefully.

After the high of having a baby wore off I did start to feel the tension and tightness again. I still get it. My go-to's are stretching and strengthening. I still use the tiger balm patches however not as frequently and ibprofuen. If I get really sore I might use a heating pad.

I still get nervous that I am going to have relapse of the past because that was the worst experience of my life. But my main fear is having that relapse now while I have a child to care for. The fear is still there I guess just a different fear.