March madness

So if you haven't gotten your basketball brackets filled out...your a little late lol. Everyone I've talked to says Michigan State will win. I think that's just because what the president put for his pick, but you never know they could win.
So anyway I haven't written in a while because everything has been stagnant. And as you can tell I started this one in March and it is clearly April. I feel time gets away from me a lot. I'm not sure if it's the medication or part of getting older. Well I stopped physical therapy the new guy is not that great. He pushes on my sore spots too much. I'm pretty sure the spots are nerve issues so it doesn't help it just hurts more. Idk this dr takes people fresh out of schooling so they have little experience.
That's really the big update. Lol nothing else new. I've also stopped working only because I'm going back to school. I have one year left for my bachelors degree, I have my associates degree. So I just want to get that done. I'm still trying to self manage...it's tough. The anxiety is subsiding a bit thats my biggest hurdle. Getting your mind to relax knowing your okay. It's hard to realize your okay when your brain is tripping out. I'm concerned going back to school with this anxiety thinking I can sit long enough which I know I can. I went to work just fine.
But that's really all nothing to exciting.
Have a great night!

December! Snow and pain!

So as the cold weather settles in I get a bit more apprehensive. For the past two years I had a horrible attack in January. Both right at the new year so as you can imagine this is my real test of how well my body has done this year. All the pills, shots and therapy lead up to the new year. I feel like in managing my pain I have come along way. Although it's with help I feel ok. It's hard to describe but I just think if other people were me they wouldn't think this was ok. Lol. But for me this is ok. I just hope that the cold weather does not influence my back to be once again an issue. I'm just learning how to calm down or prevent those flares. It has been a rough year. I hope that it only gets better and doesn't give in to the cold weather. My only question is sometime ice helps, so why does cold weather hurt us? Is it the osteoarthritis? Idk. I'm going to try and stay nice and cozy so it hopefully doesn't affect me. I have noticed a slight extra tightness and rough time sleeping. I blame the sleep on my doggies because they wake me up so they can go potty. The tightness I can only blame on the weather. Man, just sitting here thinking about this year....it really has been a long year. I'm blessed even through the roughness. I might be upset and have moments of internal frustration due to my back, but I'm blessed. I have a family that cares, dogs that never leave my side, and my husband that just loves me despite my faults. Besides all my material things I really only care about the people who are in my life. Although having nice things is really flippin nice I just thank god for everyone in my life they are the real blessings.

Limits on physical therapy

I am totally naive! OMG...so I never knew that that there was a limit on how many times a year you can go to physical therapy. Our system here is so flippin broken. They don't want to approve surgery and they also want to cap your physical therapy...don't wantcha to get too good!
Last year the cap was at 60 and because I have used them all I have to sign a form stating that I will go unsupervised. Not only unsupervised but I won't get the therapeutic massages, e-stym, or heat afterward. I am so bummed I was really naive I didn't think about that at all. As most of you know winter is the worst time for us. I wish I would have saved some for December. Now this coming year it will be capped 50 hopefully I won't need them all next year but you never know.
On a side note I woke up with a sore upper back...took a lot of stretches to get that out....but I think my muscle relaxer actually helped that the most. Pretty sure my boobs are to blame for that one. :)
Whelp that's all for tonight!
Take care.

Happy Halloween!

Nope your back is not a trick! Nor is a treat by any means. It is supposed to rain all day which means for many of us we will not be feeling so awesome today. Some of us will be taking children out somewhere to trick or treat. Remember to go slow there is plenty of time for the kids to get candy. Last year I took my nephews I would let them run but they could only go 5 houses ahead where I could see them and then they'd have to wait for me to catch up. Cul-de-sacs are really nice you can stand in one spot and watch them go in a circle. Of course my nephews were old enough to do that. Some people just like do drive their kids around so they don't have to be up and around, hey whatever feels better I am game for. The little ones you may just have to make them be a little more patient. It's one night where it's free candy so it may be hard.
Ah patience what a word that is, learning to wait quietly while things work out. That is such a hard thing even as an adult. I don't have time for this...that is something I hear often. Well our bodies have a way of making us learn the meaning of the word. Waiting in line at the grocery store or waiting on hold for someone to pick up the other end of the phone can prove difficult sometimes. I try to turn it into a positive twist, grocery line? That's okay because I don't like wasting money on magazines, I stand in the longest line so I can read a magazine fully. That way I don't feel rushed and I save money because I don't have to buy the magazine now. On the phone and get put on hold? That's okay I just put it on speaker and sew up my dogs toys or do a chore. You'd be surprised how fast they come back on the line when you change your focus to something else.
So remember to bring something extra along tonight if you have to walk slower than normal maybe play "I spy" while you roam the streets tonight. The kids won't even know you are moving slower if you move their attention away from running around. They will just be happy to spend time with you!
That's all for today happy Halloween!

At least I can walk....

There are many with this issue that can not walk. I was there for a short period of time. I would never wish that on anyone! I mean holy crap my husband fed me Wendy's and Oreos! My husband is pretty amazing. But for real that was my diet. He wheeled in the computer and made sure I had a phone, remote and all the food from the menu. Yesterday I walked around downtown I thought how lucky am I? Even though I was uncomfortable and in slight agony I could still do it. A little slower than most but still moving along. Now I wake up today and I'm completely stiff. Okay just a little stiff and I'm supposed to go pick tomatoes with my grandma. Yikes.
On a side note my memory is shot! Holy crapola! So the other day a coworker listed off to me things I said but I don't remember ever saying any of it. It was in so much detail! I mean it was all true but it was stuff even I forgot about. Yowza! I mean people could really fuck with me if they knew only letting few days go by would give me short term Alzheimer's.
well gotta call the grams.

End of the Road

Doctors visit was a bit harsher than most. Doctor basically told me that he has done everything he can. He can't fix me he can only help me maintain. I knew that going in, he was only going to make me as good as he possibly could and try to maintain. He did help me. He did help me walk straighter and move more. He helped most of the pain reduce. However, its still there. Its never gonna go away.
So guess what? He is referring me to a neurologist or a surgeon I forgot which because my husband was the one talking with him. I was pretty upset because it just sounded like my doctor was giving up on me. Even though he was not giving up he was just stating that he has gotten me as far as he can. I am so glad my husband was there because I was in tears hearing this and I couldn't focus on the options for the referrals he was giving me.
I just thought there were more options and maybe he is not the one who has those for me. I am still fairly new to all this so I am trying to figure it all out. Meeting with other doctors I feel doctor is like, "yeah a legit patient,you have something wrong with you, I WANT all your money" and they are just trying to get in before another doctor dives in. It already costs so much and now I have to decide what I want to do and which path is right for me. I just know everyone is going to try and sell me on their ideas of what is best for me. I wish doctors would be as straight for was as my current doctor. He told me from the beginning he can help me he can't fix me but he would try everything he could to make me feel better. He did. I just worry I am going to choose the wrong thing going forward.
I hope it doesn't mean this is the end of the road.

As normal as it gets and potatoes

Since the last post I found out I still have a job and why I got a headache. My physical therapist stated it was something he does with my head. He gives me a massage on my head and it could be from that.
So I guess with my back this is as normal as I'm gonna get.... I see my doctor again tomorrow. I have a feeling he is going to shoot me up and just refill my scripts. This makes me sad. I don't like living like this and its not getting better! Last night I had to wake up pop pills and exercise and stretch to be able to go back to sleep. I woke up from my sleep saying, " no, no, no, no, no, no..." My husband was just like its okay your back just hurts. So I slowly got out of bed and did my thing. Everything was so tight. .....and speak of the devil the husband just texted me how my back was feeling.
I had a realization as to how old my body actually is this past week as well. My little 78 year old grandmother gets these giant bags of potatoes from this farm every year. They are so super cheap. Well she gets at least one bag per family and she stopped by to drop some off for me. When she came she wouldn't let me lift the bags. So here's my little ol'granny wobbling carrying this bag of potatoes into my garage. So sad she could lift it without having a problem and if I did that I'd be laid up the next day or later in the evening. 78 people she is 78!!! ....now she is not perfect she had her knees replaced and such but she is good....ugh 78 beating a 31 year old in lifting.