Tubing down a river is not my friend

So this is a totally off topic post. For the record none of this was supposed to happen this way.
I have only floated down a river on a tube once and I must say it was quite enjoyable. But, I went tubing for a second time this past weekend for a bachelorette party. Sounds like it should be a good time right? WRONG! As one can imagine the most obvious thing that could happen did, our tube got a hole in it!! We tried and tried to fix it but it completely deflated. It was a pretty cool tube it was a double seater with a cooler in the middle. This thing was quite large and in charge. So despite all the duct tape or patch kits we used the hole was just too big. I found if I laid on the hole where the patch kit was I could float still just not comfortably. Here I am trying to float down the river covering this hole with my body, my little cousin is trying to straddle a floating cooler we brought...where the heck is a video camera when you need one right? I am so bruised and scratched by all the rocks the water level was a bit low. But then the doors of the heavens opened and a floating party that seats like 8 people found us. I swear that god heard our prayers lol. It had music, comfy seats, Jell-O shots basically the works! And there was room for like 4 more people and the nice people of this boat said "jump in". We were like what? Hecks yes we will, don't have to ask us twice! So we are finally comfy and we pass the park! So we jump over board and lo and behold there is a fricken sea of rocks we have climb over to get to land AND all the alcohol I had been drinking decides it wants to show up. Lmao...can you imagine? So now I'm drunk and climbing across these rocks scratching the hell out of my legs and elbows, it was just horrible. The next day I got up and showered examined my body, I felt if I had to go to the e.r. They'd ask, do you have a safe place to go and I'd say yes they would raise an eyebrow and repeat the question.
Despite finding a comfy place to sit for a while this was the worst experience of fun I've ever endured.