Fear - DDD and Pregnancy

2019 Holy Cow!!
I am still taking it day by day.

However I do have some news. I shared in an earlier blog my fear of having kids and having the ability to have a child with this never-ending back issue.

Well in 2017 I had a child! It was a seriously tough thing. Being completly health carrying a child I am sure is tough by itself. Anyway I am going to tell you I was extremely nervous the entire pregnancy and of course nervous for the major part - DELIVERY.

I feared delivery the entire pregnancy. I feared getting bigger and gaining more weight. I feared carrying around a child and what additional stress that would cause my body. I feared the cost of delivery and also having to seek pain management again if needed.

There were lots of fears, lets just say that.

But I did it.

It was not easy. It was not a walk in the park.

But I did it.

I will say this, it was not the worst thing in the world. I did yoga every day and took whatever the OBGYN said I could which was basically tylenol.

The doctor approved a muscle relaxer which I only took when absolutely necessary.

I had an epidural during the delivery which I made clear to all doctors, nurses, residents, anyone in training, visitors, guests anyone present that I was terrified of messing up my back with an epidural. The anestheisiologist made it clear he would not hurt me.

He didn't.

My Back actually felt better for a few months after delivery from the epidural I am guessing...Hopefully.

After the high of having a baby wore off I did start to feel the tension and tightness again. I still get it. My go-to's are stretching and strengthening. I still use the tiger balm patches however not as frequently and ibprofuen. If I get really sore I might use a heating pad.

I still get nervous that I am going to have relapse of the past because that was the worst experience of my life. But my main fear is having that relapse now while I have a child to care for. The fear is still there I guess just a different fear.

Crazy Year!

I got my degree!! Life is good! It was not easy but I did it. I was sore a lot, that was probably the hardest thing to deal with. Trying to focus and write papers when your are not feeling well sucks. But you have to do it. I don't even know where to begin. I met some new best friends. These girls gave me so much inspiration to keep going. I have an amazing mentor who I believe inspired me as well. He has back issues too. I had him as a professor a couple of different times and he was just awesome. I did use my tens unit a couple of times lots of heat and a ton of tiger balm. I call the tiger balm patches my back crack because my back loves it. I also took advantage of the campus gym a lot. My doctor always wants me in PT. But I just didn't have time to leave campus or anything so I used the free gym at school to get as much in as I could on my own. OK it wasn't really free I paid for it my tuition....so it just saved me from generating another bill. Anyway I finally am starting to feel confident in self management. I think forcing myself to do these things really helped instead of leaning on my doctor. I love my doctor but he is super expensive. I think now that school is done I am going to focus on dieting. Till next time ya'll
Peace
~college graduate~

Tubing down a river is not my friend

So this is a totally off topic post. For the record none of this was supposed to happen this way.
I have only floated down a river on a tube once and I must say it was quite enjoyable. But, I went tubing for a second time this past weekend for a bachelorette party. Sounds like it should be a good time right? WRONG! As one can imagine the most obvious thing that could happen did, our tube got a hole in it!! We tried and tried to fix it but it completely deflated. It was a pretty cool tube it was a double seater with a cooler in the middle. This thing was quite large and in charge. So despite all the duct tape or patch kits we used the hole was just too big. I found if I laid on the hole where the patch kit was I could float still just not comfortably. Here I am trying to float down the river covering this hole with my body, my little cousin is trying to straddle a floating cooler we brought...where the heck is a video camera when you need one right? I am so bruised and scratched by all the rocks the water level was a bit low. But then the doors of the heavens opened and a floating party that seats like 8 people found us. I swear that god heard our prayers lol. It had music, comfy seats, Jell-O shots basically the works! And there was room for like 4 more people and the nice people of this boat said "jump in". We were like what? Hecks yes we will, don't have to ask us twice! So we are finally comfy and we pass the park! So we jump over board and lo and behold there is a fricken sea of rocks we have climb over to get to land AND all the alcohol I had been drinking decides it wants to show up. Lmao...can you imagine? So now I'm drunk and climbing across these rocks scratching the hell out of my legs and elbows, it was just horrible. The next day I got up and showered examined my body, I felt if I had to go to the e.r. They'd ask, do you have a safe place to go and I'd say yes they would raise an eyebrow and repeat the question.
Despite finding a comfy place to sit for a while this was the worst experience of fun I've ever endured.

I'm still here!

So a lot has happened since my last posts! So I quit my job because my hubby wants me to finish my degree. So I am in my last year of college finally. I had taken a break from school because there was no way I could do both work and school. Do u think I'm cray-cray?! Lol I am hoping I can make it through without any hiccups. See the beginning of the summer I started the first summer session and I made it through that ok and now it's nearing the end of the second summer session and I'm starting to feel it. I am doing so well in school I don't want my back to screw it up. I'm did talk to my advisor about it. Let's be real for a second, do u ever get embarrassed to admit something is wrong or u might need help? Because I do. I never want to admit I can't do something. I feel like people will look at me funny or think I am making it up. But I talked to her and she said to contact the student disability center so I can get excuses from certain things. Right now I am really starting to feel more when I walk. Usually I feel a tinge if I step wrong and that's not all the time. Now I am feeling it after I sit for a while then like every step hurts. But it's only sometimes... Idk what is happening to me.
Before my back used to pop all the time and I think that actually must have relieved the stress back there. Because now I'm not popping as much and there is more tension. That's just my own personal hypothesis. I used to feel like a friggin bowl of Rice Krispies but not anymore.

March madness

So if you haven't gotten your basketball brackets filled out...your a little late lol. Everyone I've talked to says Michigan State will win. I think that's just because what the president put for his pick, but you never know they could win.
So anyway I haven't written in a while because everything has been stagnant. And as you can tell I started this one in March and it is clearly April. I feel time gets away from me a lot. I'm not sure if it's the medication or part of getting older. Well I stopped physical therapy the new guy is not that great. He pushes on my sore spots too much. I'm pretty sure the spots are nerve issues so it doesn't help it just hurts more. Idk this dr takes people fresh out of schooling so they have little experience.
That's really the big update. Lol nothing else new. I've also stopped working only because I'm going back to school. I have one year left for my bachelors degree, I have my associates degree. So I just want to get that done. I'm still trying to self manage...it's tough. The anxiety is subsiding a bit thats my biggest hurdle. Getting your mind to relax knowing your okay. It's hard to realize your okay when your brain is tripping out. I'm concerned going back to school with this anxiety thinking I can sit long enough which I know I can. I went to work just fine.
But that's really all nothing to exciting.
Have a great night!

December! Snow and pain!

So as the cold weather settles in I get a bit more apprehensive. For the past two years I had a horrible attack in January. Both right at the new year so as you can imagine this is my real test of how well my body has done this year. All the pills, shots and therapy lead up to the new year. I feel like in managing my pain I have come along way. Although it's with help I feel ok. It's hard to describe but I just think if other people were me they wouldn't think this was ok. Lol. But for me this is ok. I just hope that the cold weather does not influence my back to be once again an issue. I'm just learning how to calm down or prevent those flares. It has been a rough year. I hope that it only gets better and doesn't give in to the cold weather. My only question is sometime ice helps, so why does cold weather hurt us? Is it the osteoarthritis? Idk. I'm going to try and stay nice and cozy so it hopefully doesn't affect me. I have noticed a slight extra tightness and rough time sleeping. I blame the sleep on my doggies because they wake me up so they can go potty. The tightness I can only blame on the weather. Man, just sitting here thinking about this year....it really has been a long year. I'm blessed even through the roughness. I might be upset and have moments of internal frustration due to my back, but I'm blessed. I have a family that cares, dogs that never leave my side, and my husband that just loves me despite my faults. Besides all my material things I really only care about the people who are in my life. Although having nice things is really flippin nice I just thank god for everyone in my life they are the real blessings.

Limits on physical therapy

I am totally naive! OMG...so I never knew that that there was a limit on how many times a year you can go to physical therapy. Our system here is so flippin broken. They don't want to approve surgery and they also want to cap your physical therapy...don't wantcha to get too good!
Last year the cap was at 60 and because I have used them all I have to sign a form stating that I will go unsupervised. Not only unsupervised but I won't get the therapeutic massages, e-stym, or heat afterward. I am so bummed I was really naive I didn't think about that at all. As most of you know winter is the worst time for us. I wish I would have saved some for December. Now this coming year it will be capped 50 hopefully I won't need them all next year but you never know.
On a side note I woke up with a sore upper back...took a lot of stretches to get that out....but I think my muscle relaxer actually helped that the most. Pretty sure my boobs are to blame for that one. :)
Whelp that's all for tonight!
Take care.