I'm Bringing Sexy Back...Brace

So today I went and put my four hours in with my back brace on the entire time and felt much better than I had. I suppose it is the way I am going to have to be for a while until I am stonger. Of course I wore this thing as discretly as possible under layers of shirts. I asked a few people if they could see it and they were like "what brace?" and "no I don't see a brace." Honestly I think they were lying and trying to be nice. But that's okay I have to wear it now. Okay so do you see here in my "sexy back" picture in the mirror I have my brace on I look pretty normal.







But here I am sure you can clearly see why I need a brace. I know I look like I have a deformed midget arm. But I was holding the brace in the back because I wasn't sure if it would come out very clear. I am a dumb dumb who wore a black shirt under a black brace. 

I wasn't sure the back brace would make much of a difference. I have used some store bought ones before and they are on a shelf somewhere in my laundry room. But trust me this one did. I was actually surprised at the amount it helped. I always took those braces for granted thinking they wouldn't help and they would get tossed in that pile of tried and failed. It also could have been because I took a pain pill before work and then also during, maybe that helped too. It is pretty strong stuff but hey I want to keep my job and make it through the day. It is really sad that's how it is these days for me pop pills or lose your job. I mean I might have enough points available to leave or whatever but I don't think I want to push the envelope. I already used up a lot of points before I took leave.
For those of you too young to work or do not have a point system at work I will explain. Basically a company sets up attendance rules by points. If you are late you get a half a point, if you call in sick you get 1 point or something similar to this. But you get a maximum amount of points you can use in a specific time period, for example lets say 5 points is all they allow. Within the given time period you are late 10 times the 11th time they can have grounds to fire you. Because being late is .5 x 10 days = 5 points. It is very simple most places use it with different guidelines  Some places give you a rolling 6 months some places a year. It varies. You get the idea I am sure. Of course I wish I could just randomly call in just because.

With that said I am not looking to use points unless its absolutley necessary. Lets see how I feel in the morning. Hopefully good. :) Hope Hope Hope Hope Hopefully!!

Omg maybe I was wrong :(

This work thing started out really well. But a week into it I can feel it. It has slowly progressed from ok to sore. Oh how I wish I was just normal! I wish I had the options of like when I would go to work. Wouldn't that be more realistic? Ah, if only life catered to me and around my body fluctuations.
So I'm not quite sure what to do. I mean I have to push through today and then I have physical therapy tomorrow maybe she will fix me. I am going to wear my back brace and see if that helps. I gotta do it.
It's times like these I get depressed. Why can't I just work like a regular person and stuff. Grr. I will let you know how it goes.

Boooooooo :(

Yay! I did not have a panic attack!

But I took valium on the way to work just in case. I was so scared to go back to work. But it went really well. I did also end up taking a norco half way through on my first day. So, pills were necessary however I did make it! Basically all I did was unpack my old desk and talk to everyone I haven't seen in forever. It felt really nice I felt so welcome. Everyone was happy to see me as far as I could tell. You know there are people you work with and you just aren't sure if they are sincere or fake? Well, like I said as far as I could tell everyone was happy to see me. :) That sure brightens your day when people smile when they see you rather than grunt hello.
I did sit with someone for a while and go over procedures once again just to make sure I had remembered everything. I did mostly. So it was quite uneventful but very nice to be out of the house with purpose! I am looking forward to this short schedule I am willing my way to make it work.
So for now it is a thumbs up for work.

Work shmerk

Okay so it's not like I do anything strenuous like lift dead bodies or turn over concrete with my bare hands. However, the mere thought of work makes me nervous. I sit at a desk all day and talk on the phone and type. But when my doctor told me he wants me to go back to work I got a nervous lump in my gut. Then I told him I have disability through work and he said oh okay well lets keep you off another month. Whew! Dodged that bullet. That was last month and although then I didn't feel ready, I feel pretty good now. But that kind of good where you are in the comfort of your own home and can lay down anytime you want good.
My work will only let me come back if I work a minimum of 16 hours. That would be 4 hours for 4 days. I know it's not a lot but when you add in travel time there and back its like 19 okay that's still not a lot. I never birthed a baby but I swear its going to feel like being dialated to 10 and pushing for 4 hrs every day that I am there. So maybe my vagina won't hurt like actually birthing a baby but you get the idea. I swear my nerves kill me. Being "stuck" somewhere without an option to leave makes me go on alert. I have been gone awhile and am very nervous the last time I was there I was doing the sad dance in my seat because I couldn't sit comfortably and nothing worked. The chairs suck at my job they are just regular old office chairs. But I will get the stand or sit option. I will have a high desk which is good.
Omg I am nervous. I wish I could just get a VPN account and work from home. That would be so awesome. Wait. I can do this.....right? I will be okay. It's just a short drive I have my pills it's only 4 hours. I can do this.
Will update on how this turns out. Until then I think I can I think I can...

Trigger point injections

So I first want to go over some of the things that the pain management has been doing to keep me comfortable while I work on getting better.
The doctor has been giving me shots in my muscles so far I have had 6 total shots, 4 at one visit and 2 at another. They have a mixture of stuff inside them I think I heard him saying about 3 different medicines when he fills the vial. I know there is an anti inflammatory as well as I think a steroid. I am not quite sure. I basically tell him to do whatever is necessary. I do trust him thus far. These are typically referred to as trigger point injections. When he is administering them he uses an ultrasound like device to make sure he is putting it in the right spot. Those keep me feeling really well for about a week. I don't even think about pain meds.
Also, at physical therapy and sometimes when I see my dr. I get electric stimulation. A home device is something similar called a tens unit. I don't have that but I hear a lot of people talk about it. I basically get hooked up to a machine and four patches get put on my back it looks kind of like when someone goes for an ECG they have patches with wires coming out of them. These patches that are put on my back feel like little tiny ants tickling me. There is dial that increases the intensity of it and the higher it goes it can feel like an electric massage. My physical therapist puts a big heat pack on top of the stimulation. It feels really nice.
So far those are the new things I have been doing besides the pills and regular physical therapy. The pt has been increasing to different levels. I am still working on core strength and keeping my pelvic floor strong. My dr. Wants me to wear "smart" shoes. Because I am always in flip flops he thinks I am not getting enough support. I love flip flops so that will be hard. They have them for a dollar at old navy once a year.... I have soooo many of them.

Then there's the back brace I also wear. There is a picture of me somewhere here on my blog that shows it. It is one with a pully system. I will admit it here that I barely wear it unless I am really in need of support.
I have not had some of the other things like epidurals or anything like that. I am hoping that my pm dr. has me on a good enough plan to keep me away from surgery and other types of injections. Of course I do expect the worst but am hoping for the best.
I know a lot of people with this issue are going through some of the same things. I just hope that this helps escpecially for those people new to the DDD family.

So until next time,
Here's to hoping!

Ha it hurts to laugh

I consider myself a pretty happy person despite the pain. I love to laugh. So I am laying down minding my own business watching one of my shows and a funny part comes on. So I do what any normal person does when something is funny. I laugh. Big stink'in mistake. Those pilates I did at physical therapy has my whole stomach on a crazy throb when I laugh. The top part, the bottom part, every part of my stomach is not happy when I laugh.
I do feel like I get beat up when I go all over my body when I leave. That is a good thing. =) The other day I had a lady other than my normal physical therapist and I don't want to say it was a waste of time going. But it was a waste of time. She barely had me work. I love my lady she really makes sure I engage my core and really work. The only way to get those muscles working to support the back and protect it is to work them out. She had me roll a ball with my feet and lift my legs. STUPID. So I scheduled my pysical therapy around her. Hopefully.
Doing what you can is very important. I don't like sitting in bed all day feeling sorry for myself. But trust me there are days I do that. I think with this issue its going to happen every once in a while. But I like to try and do stuff. I have learned that I have been doing a lot of stuff the wrong way. I have never entirely been in tune with my body.