December! Snow and pain!

So as the cold weather settles in I get a bit more apprehensive. For the past two years I had a horrible attack in January. Both right at the new year so as you can imagine this is my real test of how well my body has done this year. All the pills, shots and therapy lead up to the new year. I feel like in managing my pain I have come along way. Although it's with help I feel ok. It's hard to describe but I just think if other people were me they wouldn't think this was ok. Lol. But for me this is ok. I just hope that the cold weather does not influence my back to be once again an issue. I'm just learning how to calm down or prevent those flares. It has been a rough year. I hope that it only gets better and doesn't give in to the cold weather. My only question is sometime ice helps, so why does cold weather hurt us? Is it the osteoarthritis? Idk. I'm going to try and stay nice and cozy so it hopefully doesn't affect me. I have noticed a slight extra tightness and rough time sleeping. I blame the sleep on my doggies because they wake me up so they can go potty. The tightness I can only blame on the weather. Man, just sitting here thinking about this year....it really has been a long year. I'm blessed even through the roughness. I might be upset and have moments of internal frustration due to my back, but I'm blessed. I have a family that cares, dogs that never leave my side, and my husband that just loves me despite my faults. Besides all my material things I really only care about the people who are in my life. Although having nice things is really flippin nice I just thank god for everyone in my life they are the real blessings.

Limits on physical therapy

I am totally naive! OMG...so I never knew that that there was a limit on how many times a year you can go to physical therapy. Our system here is so flippin broken. They don't want to approve surgery and they also want to cap your physical therapy...don't wantcha to get too good!
Last year the cap was at 60 and because I have used them all I have to sign a form stating that I will go unsupervised. Not only unsupervised but I won't get the therapeutic massages, e-stym, or heat afterward. I am so bummed I was really naive I didn't think about that at all. As most of you know winter is the worst time for us. I wish I would have saved some for December. Now this coming year it will be capped 50 hopefully I won't need them all next year but you never know.
On a side note I woke up with a sore upper back...took a lot of stretches to get that out....but I think my muscle relaxer actually helped that the most. Pretty sure my boobs are to blame for that one. :)
Whelp that's all for tonight!
Take care.

Happy Halloween!

Nope your back is not a trick! Nor is a treat by any means. It is supposed to rain all day which means for many of us we will not be feeling so awesome today. Some of us will be taking children out somewhere to trick or treat. Remember to go slow there is plenty of time for the kids to get candy. Last year I took my nephews I would let them run but they could only go 5 houses ahead where I could see them and then they'd have to wait for me to catch up. Cul-de-sacs are really nice you can stand in one spot and watch them go in a circle. Of course my nephews were old enough to do that. Some people just like do drive their kids around so they don't have to be up and around, hey whatever feels better I am game for. The little ones you may just have to make them be a little more patient. It's one night where it's free candy so it may be hard.
Ah patience what a word that is, learning to wait quietly while things work out. That is such a hard thing even as an adult. I don't have time for this...that is something I hear often. Well our bodies have a way of making us learn the meaning of the word. Waiting in line at the grocery store or waiting on hold for someone to pick up the other end of the phone can prove difficult sometimes. I try to turn it into a positive twist, grocery line? That's okay because I don't like wasting money on magazines, I stand in the longest line so I can read a magazine fully. That way I don't feel rushed and I save money because I don't have to buy the magazine now. On the phone and get put on hold? That's okay I just put it on speaker and sew up my dogs toys or do a chore. You'd be surprised how fast they come back on the line when you change your focus to something else.
So remember to bring something extra along tonight if you have to walk slower than normal maybe play "I spy" while you roam the streets tonight. The kids won't even know you are moving slower if you move their attention away from running around. They will just be happy to spend time with you!
That's all for today happy Halloween!

At least I can walk....

There are many with this issue that can not walk. I was there for a short period of time. I would never wish that on anyone! I mean holy crap my husband fed me Wendy's and Oreos! My husband is pretty amazing. But for real that was my diet. He wheeled in the computer and made sure I had a phone, remote and all the food from the menu. Yesterday I walked around downtown I thought how lucky am I? Even though I was uncomfortable and in slight agony I could still do it. A little slower than most but still moving along. Now I wake up today and I'm completely stiff. Okay just a little stiff and I'm supposed to go pick tomatoes with my grandma. Yikes.
On a side note my memory is shot! Holy crapola! So the other day a coworker listed off to me things I said but I don't remember ever saying any of it. It was in so much detail! I mean it was all true but it was stuff even I forgot about. Yowza! I mean people could really fuck with me if they knew only letting few days go by would give me short term Alzheimer's.
well gotta call the grams.

End of the Road

Doctors visit was a bit harsher than most. Doctor basically told me that he has done everything he can. He can't fix me he can only help me maintain. I knew that going in, he was only going to make me as good as he possibly could and try to maintain. He did help me. He did help me walk straighter and move more. He helped most of the pain reduce. However, its still there. Its never gonna go away.
So guess what? He is referring me to a neurologist or a surgeon I forgot which because my husband was the one talking with him. I was pretty upset because it just sounded like my doctor was giving up on me. Even though he was not giving up he was just stating that he has gotten me as far as he can. I am so glad my husband was there because I was in tears hearing this and I couldn't focus on the options for the referrals he was giving me.
I just thought there were more options and maybe he is not the one who has those for me. I am still fairly new to all this so I am trying to figure it all out. Meeting with other doctors I feel doctor is like, "yeah a legit patient,you have something wrong with you, I WANT all your money" and they are just trying to get in before another doctor dives in. It already costs so much and now I have to decide what I want to do and which path is right for me. I just know everyone is going to try and sell me on their ideas of what is best for me. I wish doctors would be as straight for was as my current doctor. He told me from the beginning he can help me he can't fix me but he would try everything he could to make me feel better. He did. I just worry I am going to choose the wrong thing going forward.
I hope it doesn't mean this is the end of the road.

As normal as it gets and potatoes

Since the last post I found out I still have a job and why I got a headache. My physical therapist stated it was something he does with my head. He gives me a massage on my head and it could be from that.
So I guess with my back this is as normal as I'm gonna get.... I see my doctor again tomorrow. I have a feeling he is going to shoot me up and just refill my scripts. This makes me sad. I don't like living like this and its not getting better! Last night I had to wake up pop pills and exercise and stretch to be able to go back to sleep. I woke up from my sleep saying, " no, no, no, no, no, no..." My husband was just like its okay your back just hurts. So I slowly got out of bed and did my thing. Everything was so tight. .....and speak of the devil the husband just texted me how my back was feeling.
I had a realization as to how old my body actually is this past week as well. My little 78 year old grandmother gets these giant bags of potatoes from this farm every year. They are so super cheap. Well she gets at least one bag per family and she stopped by to drop some off for me. When she came she wouldn't let me lift the bags. So here's my little ol'granny wobbling carrying this bag of potatoes into my garage. So sad she could lift it without having a problem and if I did that I'd be laid up the next day or later in the evening. 78 people she is 78!!! ....now she is not perfect she had her knees replaced and such but she is good....ugh 78 beating a 31 year old in lifting.

Feeling a bit down

So due to some of my medications side effects I've recently been getting some migraines. The migraines are like once a month so not too often however they do effect work. This last time I had one I had to call off work. Which in one of my posts I explain a point system most companies use. Well I believe that my points are up. Currently I'm waiting for a call from my boss. Basically I have no points left and I'm pretty sure they are going to let me go. I'm not sure if its worth a fight to claim FMLA or ADA. So now I'm feeling a bit down. I really did not realize what was going on with my attendance points. I hadn't had it laid out for me to know exactly what I had or didn't have.
I mean silver lining is the day I came back from medical leave or at least the first month everyone was happy to see me...after that no one really cared too much. I have only had one person that has been a constant friend like coworker. My "team" never includes me in anything and all but one coworker forgot my birthday. Even though it is on our individual calendars. So it's not like it was a super awesome place to work. It just seems like before I left everyone was awesome and loved me...that's just been depressing lately at work to come into this type of environment. Also, because I work a smaller shift than normal....I am scheduled at the busiest time of the day which is ridiculous. The number one reason I stay is for my insurance. I need my insurance in order to survive with this ill disease. Ah well I suppose that's enough venting and moping for one afternoon. If I don't get a call I guess I'll be going in on Wednesday to get fired 😞

Bye for now

PT changes....

So I am about to be on my fourth physical therapist! Now they are trying to revert back to the beginning when I was working core all the time. With physical therapy I started with core strengthening, then therapeutic massages and stretching, then acupressure and cranial sacral method and now back to core strengthening. I made a full circle. Not quite sure what the new therapist will want to do. I have not yet done any traction...maybe that. Who knows all I know is I do feel better on days I go. It doesn't matter the method used, I do feel better. I may not be fixed and it may be a temporary "feel better" moment. But I do feel better when I leave.
I know a lot of people are against physical therapy or feel it doesn't work. That's okay because every treatment method does not work for everyone. Hopefully something you use helps alleviate some of the pain you experience. It does get hard because with chronic pain we get used to trying to ignore those signals. Pain just becomes an everyday part of our lives. We should be so advanced in medicine that we could just push a button and a machine would correct us. Right?...I think I will get to work on that :)

Bright side

Okay so there's not a whole lot of bright side things about a bad back. However, I have found a few.

1. People come to me. I don't go out and visit a whole lot because the car ride alone may cause issues. So my friends and family do most of the driving and come see me :) I don't ever want to take advantage of this so when I am feeling good I go see people. But it is nice when people just show up on my door to say hi.
2. I get my bags carried. My nephews bless their little hearts carry EVERYTHING for me. It's amazing what cooking for boys can get you!
3. I have fancy toes. I know how to use them to pick up all kinds of things off the floor, pretty fancy if you ask me.
4. I'm never behind on my shows anymore. When I am having a rough day I get to lay in bed and catch up on all my shows, awesome!
5. I can do the longest plank ever. Due to physical therapy I could plank all day....okay maybe not all day but I can do it for a really long time.

Lastly, I think you realize the love you have for those around you. It may not be easily recognized otherwise but you really understand the folks around you that love you through thick and thin. Love is hard to show when your hurting. But it's a beautiful thing to know there's still an unconditional love you can give and recieve.
Well that's all for tonight ladies and gents, have a great night!

I used to love rain...

Ah! It's raining again! The sound of rain used to lull me into a deep sleep more than usual and I would sleep so well. Now even with pain meds I get woken up to tight muscles wanting to spaz out. This is so crazy. The only thing I know how to do when I'm sleeping is stretch my muscles out and they seem to calm. The one stretch I do that seems to help most is lying on my back and bringing my knee to my chest and just holding it. I'm not sure if ice on rainy nights would help or heat. I will look into that.
I miss loving the rain. I miss loving the rumbles of thunder as they rock me away to dream land. Now all I got to lull me to sleep is snoring from the husband and and dog who whimpers when she dreams. Speaking of the one who snores, I had 2 nephews over one night and I fell asleep way before the husband and nephews. When I woke to use the bathroom I heard awful snoring from the living room I walked in to see how many people were in there sleeping on the couches. The snoring had two awful tunes so I thought maybe all of them are in the living room sleeping. To my surprise it was just my husband snoring away on the couch. The two tunes were when he breathed in one noise and when he breathed out a different noise! I could not believe it was just him. Crazy!
Well on a brighter not so tired note, I have a new puppy laying next to me. She hails from the same parents my other puppy came from. She is adorable. I forgot how tiny my puppy was. This one came to me close to being trained. She whimpers a lot but I think it's only day two and she's just been scared. It's died down a bit from day 1. She has the floppiest ears when she runs it is the sweetest thing.
Well on that note I will try and close my eyes and go back to sleep. Hopefully.
Bye for now.

Pain management = nothing exciting

So on my last appointment with my pain management doctor nothing exciting happened. I got my scripts refilled and a couple shots in my back. Same stuff I've been getting. Except he put my next appointment two months out. That's the only thing that changed. I think he feels that I'm stable maybe. I don't know but I don't like that this is it. Pills and shots?
I feel like he's a good doctor but as he stated pm only treats the symptoms.

Grrrrr I wish there was a more clear resolution.

I'm not stable damn it!

Recap - Degenerative disc disease

Just to recap for those who do not want to go through all my posts to find what all I have been going through and doing, I will just give a quick run down.
For starters I live in the U.S., I got me a doggie, I am married and I still work.
I have 2 discs that are gone or at least appear to be in my MRI. I have huge boobs, but I made a consultation for a reduction hopefully it works cuz these suckers are huge!
I have a slight bulge and a slight slip over my coccyx.
Work is, ehhhhhh well work. I do nothing strenuous but sit and talk on the phone....for me and some others it's a nightmare. Just the thought of sitting all day in one spot without the opportunity to lie down, CRaZY.
My husband and puppy are amazing both of them are very supportive of me :)
Now for the medical stuff.
I have had problems forever and a day, since I was like 13. Got diagnosed at like 28-ish. I always thought I was a hypochondriac and my back was just my imagination or something. Probably it was my boobs.
Dr. wanted me to get a double fusion when I was 30 however insurance denied it. He was opting for an ALIF. It is where they go in from the front.
Referred to pain management after that all got denied. I'm now 31.
I see my doctor about every month.
I do physical therapy twice a week.
I get steroid and anti-inflammatory shots, 4 different pills and I recently got my at home tens unit.
Therapy is different. I see different people so they are all trying different things. The latest was cranial sacral method. Feels fine for like a day then back to pain. My previous therapist worked more on strength and core and that seemed the most helpful. I try to do exercises at home but its just not the same. I need to get into a serious regimine maybe that will help.
So that's what I've been doing in a nut shell. I have another post comming up here in a few days after I see my doctor until then I will be trying out my exercises.
:)

No Improvement?

Since probably 2 doctor visits ago I have seen no improvement. The last time I seen my doctor I told him everything felt like it was plateauing. This month I feel like absolutely no improvement has been made. I do know I slacked off on my exercises and that does seem to help. Maybe I should make it a point this month to get back into it. My physical therapist thinks I am strong enough. Other than that I am not quite sure what is going on. If I have just reached my point of wellness or what.

Side Note: I might be getting rid of these BOOBS!! Yay!! I made an appointment for a consultation in August so we shall see! They are so big I am hoping they will be like yeah those puppies are going bye-bye, lol.

I am wondering if everything will feel so much better after they are gone. I have been noticing difficulty in bending forward to pick things up off the ground or chairs or whatever. Not that it has ever been super easy but yeah know.

Anywho, I noticed I have not posted this month. It has been such a busy month. Such as, we went blueberry picking this morning good thing we got kids around. There are so many berries around LOVE IT!! Cherry picking will be on Monday for sure. Gotta get in on some of that sweetness.

Well I will update after I see my doctor on Tuesday. My goodness such a mix up with my gabapentin(neurontin) last month. I had to get it switched to a 90 day supply otherwise my insurance would not accept it. It took forever and I had to pay out of pocket for 21 pills it cost like 25$ ....STUPID INSURANCE.... I guess I really can't live without my insurance. I wish I lived somewhere with free but good medical care!! I feel like I pay enough in taxes that I should just be taken care of all the way. :)
Alrighty new post probably Tuesday or Wednesday!
Take care for now!

Ultimate 5 TENS unit

So last week I did not post I was kind of lazy about it. My nephew is staying with me for the summer so I was preoccupied with that. But anyway I went to the doctor last week and he gave me a tens unit. It is an Ultima 5.

If you are not sure what a T.E.N.S. unit(Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation) is I will explain. A tens unit is to help block the pain signals to your brain. Sometimes in physical therapy they will casually call it e-stim for electronic stimulus. If you have had it done in physical therapy it is basically the same thing just a portable unit.
There are 4 pads that are less sticky than a bandaid those get put on your body where the pain is. Those get connected to the leads that transport the electronic signal. I have two pads pictured below.

After you connect the leads to the pads you then connect it to the actual unit.

I have used it a couple of times the instructions are not really clear on the different modes. It seems to work well. The pads are smaller than the ones used at physical therapy. That does not seem to take away from what it can do.
If you have never used one before the first time is a bit different. My therapist says it feels like little tiny ants crawling on your back. I feel that is a pretty fair description. However, I feel that sensation changes the higher you turn it up, it starts to feel better. The lowest level is almost irritating because it is a lighter sensation. But then too high might be too much. It is all about personal preference.

Well I can't think of anything else to add about the tens unit today.
Until next time ...

Doing too much

My goodness, last week one of my dear aunts passed. So besides working, btw I got that reduced back to part time thank God. But besides working I have been driving family around and preparing things for the service. The service was held yesterday. Well my back started to bite yesterday before the service. It seems like all the extra stuff was slowly creeping up on me. I didn't remind myself at all during the week to slow down. The slower I got the more the sadness of a lost aunt would creep in. She was such a good woman. She went through so much. I am going to miss her loudness and her smile. I am going to miss her welcoming spirit. She just loved for people to come over and see her. She always wanted you to pick something up for her whether it was a cold pop or a treat. I remember she used to love reese's peanut butter cups so much. I am going to miss her cooking, she always made such a big meal on all the holidays. All the things she went through made her turn her life around for the better. I was glad I got to know the goodness in her heart.
With all that aside...
My advice for the future me or others out there with this issue is to SLOW DOWN! Even if it means facing reality and having a cry. Even if you are having fun and the time just seems to slip by, slow down. Doing too much causes flares, as we all are well aware of. But sometimes it just helps to have someone virtually yell at you to remember your body can't handle all that.
It's funny one of my cousins said jeez Jenny you sound like an old person with all those pills and your pill box..little do they know I am an old person on the inside.

Until next, time take it easy!

One or the other...

So in seeing support groups and reading what people have to say about DDD, I've concluded you're either happy or sad. The happy people are content in their life and find ways to beat the pain and give others sound advice. The sad people complain a lot and not to knock ANYONE'S pain but try to convince people that they are way worse off than anyone else. The happy people turn to another outlet religion or other hobbies to take the focus off their disease. The sad people sit online all day in various support groups and talk about what a horrible position they are in.
The happy people maybe found good doctors that try to support their position and give them good care. The sad people probably never found a good doctor. I've also noticed that the happy people follow the doctors orders and follow through with physical therapy. The sad people say everything is a waste of time and try to find a magic pill to take it all away.
I am not saying I am one or the other. Frankly I feel I am somewhere in the middle. I have bad days and I have really good days. I just notice this trend of people being either always on the up or always on the down. I feel bad for the ones always down. I don't ever want to get to that, where I just see no light at the end of the tunnel. I want to always be happy. I just don't know the secret.

Just hanging out...

So I got over that whole dramatic evening. I think you need one of those every once in a while. Everyone knows a good breakdown at night makes for a good morning. I mean its just common knowledge. No really I don't know anyone who says that. But it sounded good, right?
So the days of this month are dwindling down and that means I will be back to work full time here shortly. I am really nervous about that. My body is just getting used to the part time. Which means the transition will be really hard for me. I love the thought of working full time. But I live in a body that doesn't want me to. It will be so difficult to live on just my husbands income and with no insurance that wouldn't get me very far at all. Why does life have to be so darn difficult!
On a brighter note I am getting a tooth pulled on Friday! Oh wait... I guess that is not a brighter note :) LOL
But really it is a good note I have some baby teeth still that do not have adults over them so they have just been hanging in there all this time. Eventually they will all have to get pulled. So, its not really a bad note or a good note, its an expected note!
Well my back is sore so maybe I should go take some meds and maybe I will venture out in the rain to the farmers market with my dog. She hates the rain but loves food should be fun!
Till next time!

One of those nights

Ugh! I am having one of those emotional nights. Why me? Why did this have to happen to me? I don't understand I have been a good person. I have done so much for other people. I just don't get it. I hate my back. I hate that other people suffer from this too. I hate there is no real cure. Can't I just have a magic genie like in Aladdin? I want Robin Williams to do voice over for MY genie. One who can make it all just go away in comedic manner.
I feel bad. I feel selfish. I have a great husband who does so much. I don't want to be a whiny brat all the dang time because I'm in pain or can't do something. I hate that I can't do things I used to do. I don't want others to have problems like this, it sucks. No other way to describe it.
I'm scared. I don't want to regress. I am scared of having pain the way I have had it before. I am scared its hereditary and someone else in my family will have it. I do not wish back problems on my worst enemy! Not that I really have like a worst enemy, but you know what I mean.
Ugh! I am not being a positive Polly tonight, I'm being a negative Nancy....
Until next time...hopefully I will be in better spirits.

Summertime is the best time!

This weather is crazy hot/humid, I was able to go for a short walk today and generated a ferocious sweat! I love the heat it makes me feel so much better. The heat just absorbes through my whole body and makes me feel awesome. The winter sucks! Cold weather brings on achy joints and tightens muscles. I hate it! I need to move somewhere nice and warm all the time. I could just lay out in the sun most days and just absorb the beautiful rays. :)
Wouldn't that just be perfect for us that are not so perfect?
Because of all the physical therapy and what my old therapist taught me I had to work harder to walk without pain. My upper back hurt a bit to support "the women" or my boobs as others refer to them as. My lower stomach muscles hurt because I had to tighten them. My lower back muscles hurt because I had to engage the kegel exercise. What is a kegel? A kegel is an exercise that you do mostly unknowingly. You do it when you have to pee but you have to wait. Or if you have ever pee'd in a cup or taken a pregnancy test you know you can stop your flow. The muscle that stops it is very tiny and if you repeat that contraction over and over as if you were stopping pee flow, you would be doing a kegel. It is a very helpful tool and you can do them anywhere or anytime you feel any activity might cause you pain.
All in all my little walk was quite successful. I walked with no pain! High five for me. My dog is even pooped and she is very high energy, I don't think she gets along with the heat. Oh jeez I hope she's not pregnant!! She has been looking fuller from the top lately. Maybe she is just being lazy, she did sleep a lot with me when I was sick. Today is my first pretty normal day since a nasty flu took hold of me. Ah well, if she is we will surely find out :)
Till next time!

Oh a little of this and that...

So I think my doctor had a stern talk with my physical therapist. He seemed nervous when I walked into the office last time. He said we needed to be more careful. I think he just thought because I was younger with a smile on my face he could do whatever he wanted. Well I may be younger but my body sure acts old. In turn I always have to be careful. I don't think he fully realized that. I am not sure where he came from but it's a pain management facility, so you have to be careful with everyone.
So I got to thinking.
You know, I really hate my back. I got a letter from my doctor for them to raise my desk at work and let me tell you I did not think I had that much was wrong with me. It has all my diagnosis's on it. I was reading it and was just like wow. No wonder I just want to shoot my back off sometimes.
On a happier note I got a real raise at work. That was nice. Apparently, I am pretty good at what I do. I totally did not expect it when my boss called me in I thought it was because I did something wrong. I had been gone for so long it only made sense that I screwed something up. But no, to my surprise it was good news!
I suppose that's all for now I need to spend some time with one of my loves of my life....my puppy!
Have a great day!

Everybody! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot!.....

So I went to my doctor today and told him what happened with physical therapy and how I was in pain all weekend. He is going to talk to him and probably put me in aqua-therapy for a while.
Meanwhile, OMG opiates did not show up in my urine! I take Norco for pain like everyday. For those of you who don't know norco is an opiate and its not in my system. That is crazy! Doctor says we are going to have to look at a few things next time if it doesn't show up again, this is the second time!! The first time I had run out early so it was kinda expected. This last time I took like 3 the day before. I am not going to lie I broke down into full on tear and hyperventilation crying mode when he started talking about not being able to give me more in the future, if it keeps comming back negative. But he really does care he was like I believe you, you are a good patient you do everything I ask. We will just have to find another way to find it in your system in the future.
Now, they are sending my awesome urination to the lab to test it further. I always think of the people who have to handle pee...poor guys and gals. Like what if you spilled it on yourself? Ugh I hate dripping my own pee on my own hand by accident when I have to pee in the cup, but someone else's pee.....ewww!
Anywho, I got more shots today. Yay....a lot of people say they hurt. I couldn't tell ya my doctor uses tiny needles and numbs the site before administering them. Because they are just muscle injections he tries to make these ones as easy as possible. So for me they are mostly pain free. I have some soreness afterward but that's it. Ah, and he told me today what's in them, steroid and an anti inflammatory the third medicine I heard was whatever he uses to numb the site.
So today was a bit emotional but I shut that up with pizza lol. Don't judge me I'm down 10lbs this month yay! Now I'm gonna go get that Norco filled and go to bed maybe I will get a redbox DVD....
Ah well here's to resting up! 

Oh hip pain :(

So I went to physical therapy the other day. Just as scheduled. My real therapist has been doing some good things with me but its the same stuff all the time. When I heard she was leaving I was a bit nervous but welcomed change. Because we always did the same stuff we never really worked on other stuff like different stretches or different areas like my hip flexors.

So when I seen the new guy I was hoping for good change. The first visit really did not impress me he ran late 15 minutes into our appt. so I had a limited time in pt. He of course apologized a bunch of times however, I was still disappointed. I thought you know he's brand new I will give him the benefit if the doubt. 

The next time I seen him he was very excited telling my he is going to get in there and work out those kinks that are tight. He starts aligning me which I know I am crooked but even long term care doctors I don't like aligning me because I am always nervous hey will eff me up. But he was being gentle. For some reason my dumb self just let him do stuff and did what he asked, I guess I was leaning on the fact that I should try to trust him. Even though he hasn't really ever worked with me. At one point he was pushing on my hips trying to fix them and having me do "thigh master" type moves. Everything was fine while I was there. I got up, felt fine. 

I just had a feeling all that commotion down yonder would come bite me in the butt. Boy did it ever except it bit me in the hips. My hips have been so sore since I have seen him. OMG! I am glad I see my dr tomorrow. Since that last pt I started walking slower back to the hour on my feet and I'm done type thing. Ugh! I hate that I let him mess with my hips in a way that I knew I shouldn't have. 

I have a strange feeling that it has to do with the fact that I am younger. He mentioned that I am one of his youngest patients, so I think because of that he felt he could do more with me than his other patients. I'm sorry but I have a back of like a 60 year old, just because I look less than half of that does not mean my back is that young. Ugh! Stupid back I hate it!

I'm Bringing Sexy Back...Brace

So today I went and put my four hours in with my back brace on the entire time and felt much better than I had. I suppose it is the way I am going to have to be for a while until I am stonger. Of course I wore this thing as discretly as possible under layers of shirts. I asked a few people if they could see it and they were like "what brace?" and "no I don't see a brace." Honestly I think they were lying and trying to be nice. But that's okay I have to wear it now. Okay so do you see here in my "sexy back" picture in the mirror I have my brace on I look pretty normal.







But here I am sure you can clearly see why I need a brace. I know I look like I have a deformed midget arm. But I was holding the brace in the back because I wasn't sure if it would come out very clear. I am a dumb dumb who wore a black shirt under a black brace. 

I wasn't sure the back brace would make much of a difference. I have used some store bought ones before and they are on a shelf somewhere in my laundry room. But trust me this one did. I was actually surprised at the amount it helped. I always took those braces for granted thinking they wouldn't help and they would get tossed in that pile of tried and failed. It also could have been because I took a pain pill before work and then also during, maybe that helped too. It is pretty strong stuff but hey I want to keep my job and make it through the day. It is really sad that's how it is these days for me pop pills or lose your job. I mean I might have enough points available to leave or whatever but I don't think I want to push the envelope. I already used up a lot of points before I took leave.
For those of you too young to work or do not have a point system at work I will explain. Basically a company sets up attendance rules by points. If you are late you get a half a point, if you call in sick you get 1 point or something similar to this. But you get a maximum amount of points you can use in a specific time period, for example lets say 5 points is all they allow. Within the given time period you are late 10 times the 11th time they can have grounds to fire you. Because being late is .5 x 10 days = 5 points. It is very simple most places use it with different guidelines  Some places give you a rolling 6 months some places a year. It varies. You get the idea I am sure. Of course I wish I could just randomly call in just because.

With that said I am not looking to use points unless its absolutley necessary. Lets see how I feel in the morning. Hopefully good. :) Hope Hope Hope Hope Hopefully!!

Omg maybe I was wrong :(

This work thing started out really well. But a week into it I can feel it. It has slowly progressed from ok to sore. Oh how I wish I was just normal! I wish I had the options of like when I would go to work. Wouldn't that be more realistic? Ah, if only life catered to me and around my body fluctuations.
So I'm not quite sure what to do. I mean I have to push through today and then I have physical therapy tomorrow maybe she will fix me. I am going to wear my back brace and see if that helps. I gotta do it.
It's times like these I get depressed. Why can't I just work like a regular person and stuff. Grr. I will let you know how it goes.

Boooooooo :(

Yay! I did not have a panic attack!

But I took valium on the way to work just in case. I was so scared to go back to work. But it went really well. I did also end up taking a norco half way through on my first day. So, pills were necessary however I did make it! Basically all I did was unpack my old desk and talk to everyone I haven't seen in forever. It felt really nice I felt so welcome. Everyone was happy to see me as far as I could tell. You know there are people you work with and you just aren't sure if they are sincere or fake? Well, like I said as far as I could tell everyone was happy to see me. :) That sure brightens your day when people smile when they see you rather than grunt hello.
I did sit with someone for a while and go over procedures once again just to make sure I had remembered everything. I did mostly. So it was quite uneventful but very nice to be out of the house with purpose! I am looking forward to this short schedule I am willing my way to make it work.
So for now it is a thumbs up for work.

Work shmerk

Okay so it's not like I do anything strenuous like lift dead bodies or turn over concrete with my bare hands. However, the mere thought of work makes me nervous. I sit at a desk all day and talk on the phone and type. But when my doctor told me he wants me to go back to work I got a nervous lump in my gut. Then I told him I have disability through work and he said oh okay well lets keep you off another month. Whew! Dodged that bullet. That was last month and although then I didn't feel ready, I feel pretty good now. But that kind of good where you are in the comfort of your own home and can lay down anytime you want good.
My work will only let me come back if I work a minimum of 16 hours. That would be 4 hours for 4 days. I know it's not a lot but when you add in travel time there and back its like 19 okay that's still not a lot. I never birthed a baby but I swear its going to feel like being dialated to 10 and pushing for 4 hrs every day that I am there. So maybe my vagina won't hurt like actually birthing a baby but you get the idea. I swear my nerves kill me. Being "stuck" somewhere without an option to leave makes me go on alert. I have been gone awhile and am very nervous the last time I was there I was doing the sad dance in my seat because I couldn't sit comfortably and nothing worked. The chairs suck at my job they are just regular old office chairs. But I will get the stand or sit option. I will have a high desk which is good.
Omg I am nervous. I wish I could just get a VPN account and work from home. That would be so awesome. Wait. I can do this.....right? I will be okay. It's just a short drive I have my pills it's only 4 hours. I can do this.
Will update on how this turns out. Until then I think I can I think I can...

Trigger point injections

So I first want to go over some of the things that the pain management has been doing to keep me comfortable while I work on getting better.
The doctor has been giving me shots in my muscles so far I have had 6 total shots, 4 at one visit and 2 at another. They have a mixture of stuff inside them I think I heard him saying about 3 different medicines when he fills the vial. I know there is an anti inflammatory as well as I think a steroid. I am not quite sure. I basically tell him to do whatever is necessary. I do trust him thus far. These are typically referred to as trigger point injections. When he is administering them he uses an ultrasound like device to make sure he is putting it in the right spot. Those keep me feeling really well for about a week. I don't even think about pain meds.
Also, at physical therapy and sometimes when I see my dr. I get electric stimulation. A home device is something similar called a tens unit. I don't have that but I hear a lot of people talk about it. I basically get hooked up to a machine and four patches get put on my back it looks kind of like when someone goes for an ECG they have patches with wires coming out of them. These patches that are put on my back feel like little tiny ants tickling me. There is dial that increases the intensity of it and the higher it goes it can feel like an electric massage. My physical therapist puts a big heat pack on top of the stimulation. It feels really nice.
So far those are the new things I have been doing besides the pills and regular physical therapy. The pt has been increasing to different levels. I am still working on core strength and keeping my pelvic floor strong. My dr. Wants me to wear "smart" shoes. Because I am always in flip flops he thinks I am not getting enough support. I love flip flops so that will be hard. They have them for a dollar at old navy once a year.... I have soooo many of them.

Then there's the back brace I also wear. There is a picture of me somewhere here on my blog that shows it. It is one with a pully system. I will admit it here that I barely wear it unless I am really in need of support.
I have not had some of the other things like epidurals or anything like that. I am hoping that my pm dr. has me on a good enough plan to keep me away from surgery and other types of injections. Of course I do expect the worst but am hoping for the best.
I know a lot of people with this issue are going through some of the same things. I just hope that this helps escpecially for those people new to the DDD family.

So until next time,
Here's to hoping!

Ha it hurts to laugh

I consider myself a pretty happy person despite the pain. I love to laugh. So I am laying down minding my own business watching one of my shows and a funny part comes on. So I do what any normal person does when something is funny. I laugh. Big stink'in mistake. Those pilates I did at physical therapy has my whole stomach on a crazy throb when I laugh. The top part, the bottom part, every part of my stomach is not happy when I laugh.
I do feel like I get beat up when I go all over my body when I leave. That is a good thing. =) The other day I had a lady other than my normal physical therapist and I don't want to say it was a waste of time going. But it was a waste of time. She barely had me work. I love my lady she really makes sure I engage my core and really work. The only way to get those muscles working to support the back and protect it is to work them out. She had me roll a ball with my feet and lift my legs. STUPID. So I scheduled my pysical therapy around her. Hopefully.
Doing what you can is very important. I don't like sitting in bed all day feeling sorry for myself. But trust me there are days I do that. I think with this issue its going to happen every once in a while. But I like to try and do stuff. I have learned that I have been doing a lot of stuff the wrong way. I have never entirely been in tune with my body.

Did my PT just beat me up??

I just left physical therapy and felt like a I just got beat up, literally. We worked on Pilates today and we also worked on some new stretches.
We worked on a leg stretch where you lay on your back and pull your leg up and then try to straighten until you feel the butt and back of the thigh stretch. But you have to keep the other leg flat, no bending. Then another stretch where you put your ankle on your opposite knee and pull forward. That is a really good butt stretch. I never knew how tight my butt was LOL. The Pilates really works the core muscles in a serious fashion...well if you do it right. Believe me she made sure I did it right.
At the end of the session she gave me a nice therapeutic massage. It was really long =). I guess my muscles are so tight from having to take care of my back that she had to spend extra time on that, IDK. Also, got a nice giant hot pad on my back and bum. It was really relaxing. Then I stood up and felt all the work she just put into me. I felt so sore everywhere legs, stomach and back. When I told her it felt like she beat me up she said that was her job. Physical therapy is no joke.
I am debating on whether I should take a pain pill before I go. I don't think I should because she pokes me and asks if it hurts. I am thinking if I take one I may say no when it really does hurt because the edge is off. And I think she needs to know specifically where it hurts to help me the best. I suppose I should talk to her about that.
Anywho I am feeling alright now we will see how bad it hurts later. I will be writing later or tomorrow if it gets bad. So Later alligator.

Good with the Bad

...I believe that is a line from the facts of life. Anywho, I know things have been looking up for a little while but today its a little down. Pain sucks plain and simple. I feel like DDD is so unpredictable. I am good for a few days then boom back to ouchie!!
Here it is well after midnight and I am laying here awake because I can't fall asleep. My dog is knocked out laying next to me. I wish sometimes I could be her. She gets so much attention, love and she doesn't have to do anything for herself. It is not because she can't do stuff like me, its because me and my husband find it necessary to spoil her completely rotten. We have no kids so we just put all our love into her and each other. She doesn't even have to walk in the snow or rain if she doesn't want too because she gets carried around...well I suppose I would get carried a lot too if I was only 10 pounds. :P
If I were my puppy in pain, my owners, that would be me as a human and my husband. Well, they would massage me, hold me, talk super sweet to me and if I still didn't feel better they would take me to the vet to find out what was wrong with me. ahhhh the life of a puppy. Okay that may have been a confusing few lines...not sure if anyone followed me there.
Okay so in real life I am laying here and I swear I can feel every spring in this bed sticking into my back. I know this can not be possible. However, I feel it. I am hoping sleep is in my near future.
Heres to hoping...

Dining Out

So I know most of you seen the title and were like "What? dining out? yeah right." Believe me I am with you on that. I don't even think of it as an option most of the time. My out to eat is considered as either someone bringing me something from outside of the bedroom or a drive-thru window. :) Where of course I am the passenger in my comfy laid back position just along for the ride. That would be only because I had to go out for something else like a doctor visit or something.
But lately I have been not feeling as much of a rush. Before this bit of a spell came on, I loved dining and going out. But then it started to happen where I couldn't sit down for long time I would feel tightening and get nervous my back would go out. This one time my husband and I went out late to Applebee's and I felt fine in the car ride but as we were sitting there waiting for our food and drinking out brewtus's(large beer) I felt I couldn't sit any longer. So I stood at our table luckily we sat in the bar and had a high table. My husband tried to accommodate me but it just didn't work we downed our beers, can't take them to go :) and boxed our meal up and left. I feel like I can sit for longer periods of time its just moving from that position that gives me issues. Like I won't be able to stand straight up.
As you know valentines day has passed and thats the day my husband and I officially met but we celebrate the week after on the 21st because that was our official first date. Some girlfriends and I went out on the town 9 years ago for valentines day just us girls. Little did I know I would meet my husband that night. Wow 9 years, we have been through a lot. Lots of smiles and lots of tears. Anywho we wanted to dine out and I was hoping to make it through the meal but I have been surprising myself lately. I did have a slow walk to the bathroom near the end. I usually do that when I am out as a test to myself. I am not sure why its like a mental challenge, if I can get up and go the bathroom even if its slow I am good. I feel like I can continue and be okay. But if it is too tough then I say ok lets go. I did make it through the meal and everything even dessert and I was okay!
I think maybe one of my bestest friends primed me from earlier in the week. She called out of the blue and took me to dinner. I have to say even though I have a crappy back I have good friends who try to keep things semi-normal for me. They even question if I took my pills so I can be somewhat comfortable. gotta love 'em.
I am pretty proud of myself lately. I was definetly sore that morning from the physical therapy the day before and I still managed to go out and make it through a meal without worrying too much. Hmmmm Maybe all that physical therapy stuff does help???????

First round of PT

I started physical therapy yesterday. It went really well. One of the first things she said to me was "wow you are really young to have this". I told you guys, I hear it all the time. It kind of made me laugh on the inside when she said it. I was thinking, "I know tell me about it". Sometimes I wish I could get away with one liners like michelle from full house. I could have just looked innocent and said "awww nuts" and when she tells me what she wants me to do I could say "you got it dude" with a big thumbs up. But unfortunately I am a grown up and have to respond appropriately and give her my whole life story about my back.
After she told me I was young she continued to probe me. "So what happened, what did you do to your back". When people say this to me I almost get offended as though I did something to cause it. They don't understand that life caused it. I didn't do anything out of the ordinary well I guess, like I said in the "me and my back" post, these big boobs caused it. I think anyway.
Basically because it was my first time seeing her she had to push and stretch a lot of my body to figure out what causes pain and where exactly it hurts. I am still recovering. Its not too bad but because we spent so much time on the legs they are the worst.
She observed something that I observed a long time ago. She stated I looked crooked in the front but straight in the back. Everyone else I have said that to has said oh no its probably just your clothes. So she brought up a question of scoliosis. Hmmmmm?
Until I see her again the main thing I need to work on is my pelvic floor and controlling it. If you are not sure what that is, it is the space when you lie down between your low back and floor. If you tilt your pelvis you can make that space very small or even have it touch the floor. I need to work on movement of keeping that in line when I move my legs. Its hard.
Thats pretty much all so far. We will see next week what she has in store for me.
Ciao!

Pain Management- Shock me, Shock me!!

I do have to say I left the doctor's office feeling hopeful. He seemed very positive that I would not need to have surgery and that he could help me. We will see.
He did do some manual manipulations but not the kind I expected these were light and gentle, not aggressive like normal chiropractors. Typically they twist and pull you in all kinds of directions and you hear tons of loud pops and cracks. None of that happened. I was very pleased because I did not want to be tugged on and I made it clear I was concerned that I thought it might hurt. He only did a few for my ribs and a little lateral stretch for my sides. He was very receptive to my concerns. A nice change of pace, right?
THEN - HE SHOCKED ME!!! Literally he put these things on my legs and hooked me to a machine and shocked me. It was like a lighter version of a barbed-wire shock. It reminded me of this time me and some cousins were walking down a dirt road and my cousin saw a horse she wanted to pet. Naturally, she climbed through the barbed-wire fence. She made it through quite easily but on the way back her permed hair got caught in the wire. She was getting a shock through her hair!! None of us wanted to help her get untangled because we didn't want to shocked... Oh funny memories. The jolts the dr. gave me made my feet and legs jump. It was quite funny but also a slightly painful sensation. Then he stuck needles in my legs. I could feel them but they didn't really hurt and he used those to check for muscle information. All that came back good. He said nothing looked wrong there. So yay my nerves are still good.
He has perscribed me a few other pills that he wants me to take. One is to help the sensation of pain go away. I am to take it for 3 days at night then for 3 days every 12 hours and then 3 times a day. A gradual introduction I suppose. Another is for osteoarthritis just once a day. And then my usual Norco pain meds. Pills, pills, pills, pills.
Then I am to start physical therapy this friday. The room looks pretty good there is a pilates apparatus, balls, different weights, tables and all kinds equipment. Should be a good time. He also gave me a crazy looking back brace. I have had a few of these before hopefully this doesn't get tossed in the pile of "tried and doesn't work". Oh shoot speaking of that I left it in my moms car. LOL ah well.
But this is me making my back brace look sexy before I left it in my moms car.

He was going to give me a muscle injection to see if that helped but because I am having a good day I decided maybe next time. Well that is pretty much it for now. We will see how all this works. Here's to hoping!

My Puppy and Baby talk

I don't have any children yet but I do have a dog. It was easier to talk my husband into a dog rather than children :). I am not sure but it feels like some days I wouldn't even get out of bed if I didn't have her. She is my baby. She is a small dog so she is super easy to care for. She can be a ball full of energy at times and then the cutest cuddly little puppy the rest of the time. Well I guess she is not really a puppy anymore she turns a whole 1 this month. She takes my mind off of things and makes me so happy. I am not sure if people out there are animal lovers or not. But before her I would have never thought I could love an animal so much. I was soooo NOT into dogs at all. I mean they poop in the yard and they stink. Well I figured out thats if you don't take care of them properly keeping your yard clean and giving them baths really eliminates the negatives.
To be quite frank I am scared to carry a child. I don't think my body could handle it. But I want so badly to have at least one. I know my clock is ticking I can hear it all the time. Especially when you have a family pushing it so hard. Everytime I visit my grandma she tilts her head and glances over her glasses, "Well, have you got any news for me?" We both know what she is talking about. Unfortunatly, I always say "no, not yet grandma". Well I go to the doctor tomorrow for pain management I suppose I should talk to them about the 'what if's' of carrying.
Some days I am glad I just have my baby girl and that I don't have to go through the pain of pushing a baby out of my crotch. Then I watch '16 and Pregnant' and I get jealous.....That is a guilty pleasure. I don't admit that to a whole lot of people, LOL. Of course I also have to watch 'Teen Mom' too. I am such a sucker for reality shows even though I know a lot of them are scripted and staged. I still like them.
Until tomorrow I will post with what my new regimine will be.

Grocery Day

So I am at the grocery store and I took some meds before I left thinking that should last me an hour that was just about right actually. I do have to say that I have such a supportive husband. I am one lucky gal in this department a lot of people in my position do not have a spouse or if they do they may not be that supportive. I feel guilty a lot because I can't do much. We used to spend the weekends hanging out at the mall. Now the thought of all the work it takes just to get there tires me out and makes my back hurt. :(
So anyway he drove because he has to drive us everywhere these days. However, sometimes I would rather endure the pain than let him drive. He scares me. LOL :) About 40 minutes of walking around the grocery store and I was done. My body was yelling at me to stop. So I tried to sit on a bench until we were ready to check out, nope to low. I was super uncomfortable so finally I decided to just go relax in the car while he finished. He reminded me to turn the seat heater on to try and help. I was barely shuffeling to my car. I opened the door and tried to get in, man was I in for a doozie. It was hard to even lift my leg but I did make it. Now I had to lean over and put the key in the ignition so the seat heater would work....that took some effort. I finally made it into the car and was relaxing or at least trying to. Then I felt bad for my husband. Just as I wrote the other day about people doing things for me because I can't. This is an example I can't even go for a full outing of grocery shopping without help.
Poor hubby finishing everything by hisself. It is just us two so we shouldn't have much to get ha ha we both love to shop. I was getting worried in the car scared my back would sieze up on me. I tried singing to the radio and falling asleep(a lot of these pills make me drowsy) but finally an hour later he came out. I was telling him I was sorry. He just said so sincerely "I am just glad you got to get out of the house." I appreciated that because he could have been mad at the situation or whatever but he was just like these things happen. He explained he was trying to hurry but the lines were so long it took forever. Which I figured it was so super crowded at the store. He doesn't mind I walk like a turtle as long as I am there with him. He always wants me to jump in those motorized wheelchairs at the stores but I always refuse. Well, I did agree once when I tripped and almost took off my big toe. That hurt to walk on.
A trip to the store did not turn out great I had to dip out early but oh well my husband still loves me. :)

I just love him...

Emotional Roller Coaster

Having this issue is unlike a lot of other illnesses or diseases. Although, it is called a disease it is not something that will kill you but it can slowly eat away at you. Some days I feel like I am okay I can handle this and then others I feel like crawling in a hole and dying. It has its ups and downs. It is easy to get depressed, when people have to do things for you because you can't do it for yourself it's the worst. I imagine this is what someone with a missing limb must feel sometimes. But I look totally normal. I am not pale due to lack of food or oxygen. I don't have a splint or a cast that visually signals something is broken. But something is broken. I sometimes walk funny. I sometimes can't stand straight. Sometimes my spirit is broken and I feel my will to live fade. If an animal is wounded we find it humane to put them down. But humans are viewed different. We want to live. We want to look at the positive. We want to make the pain and struggles seem minuscule compared to all the good. We have good things all around us sometimes its just hard to pull that out when we get in a rut. It feels like the bad out weighs the good. I wouldn't be human to say I never feel like I was being pulled down every once in a while. I sometimes cry thinking I am just to young to deal with this, why me God? Every description you see of this issue states "a sign of aging most common in the elderly". Just look it up on the internet those words are used in pretty much every single definition. But I can't sit and feel sorry for myself all the time if I did I would not get any where. There are things that happen in life and its okay to feel sad every once in a while. I have always said pain is temporary and this too shall pass. They are not original. But they are true.

PMA thats whats up! :) and Big girl panties

So after thinking about everything I called the doctor to set up an appointment with a pain mgmt specialist. It is not something that I am looking forward to doing. But maybe just maybe I will not be wasting my time. I feel like I know what to expect and this whole L4-L5 L5-S1 thing will never go away. But as Annie will continue to sing forever on VHS "the sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be sun". You know the song. If not someday I could sing it and upload it to YouTube because for some reason I know every word...and I only seen the movie like once.
So I am going to put on my big girl panties and man up. You know I get tired of putting on those darned things. I feel like I am always climbing into those suckers you'd think those panties would be worn out by now. At any rate I suppose I should put a stinking smile on my face and get better damn it! If that's not a positive mental attitude(PMA) I don't know what is.

Me and My Back

Me and my back go way way waaaay back. I figured I should elaborate on why my back is such a pain in...well, in the back. Around 1995-ish I was a young teen and developed right on time. I am always average so I am right on time with everything. At age 13 I was a full C cup. For those guys out there reading who really aren't sure what that is, in my opinion its the perfect breast size. Its big enough to give a woman the perfect cleavage and small enough to still wear a proper bathing suit and not bust out of it. I loved myself at this size but unfortunately for me, my body was just getting started.
I blame my back on these over-sized boobs because it was around this time I can remember having my first back issues. I would get a pain in the back and not be able to bend forward for a while but then it would just go away. So, I thought my body was just correcting itself. As I got older I was told I was too young to have back problems and I must have had something traumatic happen that caused this. Uhm, helloooooooo? big boobs when your only 13 is pretty traumatic.
I heard the same thing from multiple doctors. I kind of just didn't believe them, that there was anything wrong with me. But after you are 21 out at clubs and you have to squat down because you feel your back is going to give out, you start to confess that maybe there is something wrong back there. I tried many different things, chiropractors would adjust me and once they finished would look me intensely eyes and say "you feel better don't you" and every-time I would have to disappoint them. No, no I did not feel better. I would get a head rush of endorphines but that was it. And they would say it not so much like a question but almost as a warranted answer because of their magical hands. But 'poof' just like magic nothing really magical happened. . . .for me anyway.
Nothing actually ever made my back feel better. Every once in a while I would have a back issue and need to take a couple days off work I would rest and then be okay. The last time this happened my doctor called me in tramadol, a very common medicine for people with this issue. I hadn't taken it before but I had heard of it and the things I heard were good. So I had high hopes. It works in your brain shutting off the signals and telling you there is no pain. HAHAHAHAHa! said my brain. It turned it around and that day I ended up having crazy back spasms for like hours. I ended up at the ER where they gave me pain meds and sent me home. Like always. But they do you give you some good stuff you feel wonderful in your head. It definitely helps you sleep.
That particular event was when I decided to see a specialist. I figured enough's enough. But at the time I didn't have insurance so the doctor said once you get insurance we will get you hooked up with surgery. The surgery is like a $90,000 one here in the U.S. only like $10,000 in any other country. I have thought of just saving the money and going abroad to get it done. However, I have insurance now we should be good right? Well if you don't know refer to the first blog of this series.
And that is pretty much where my story started......I wonder if my insurance will cover a breast reduction?

Insurance and preauthorization :(

FINALLY, There it is a light at the end of my tunnel. For years I have struggled with chiropractors, pain meds, braces, flipping the hot to the cold, anti-inflammatory's, special exercises and many other options to soothe the ever aching BACK. I have grown to hate my back in so many ways.
So, rewind. I went and seen my specialist and he stated that I needed the ALIF surgery and after about a month I would see tremendous results because of my age and excellent health I would be "cured". I could hear the angels sing!! Thank The Lord!! Finally a solid answer.I didn't just get pain meds and sent home like so many times before at the doctors offices or ER. He had a resolution. So a few weeks ago I went and had ECG, blood work met with the doctors at the hospital all kinds of paperwork was filled out and I was cleared for surgery. Last Monday the day before surgery I was very nervous and excited at the same time I had to get fitted for my orthopedic brace and have a pre operative consultation. When I went to the doctors office for the pre-op visit I called and talked to my mom who reminded me, "Because you have 2 discs that are bad remember to ask how long you will be in the hospital". I had to tell her once again that we weren't for sure it was just based on how well I did. As the medical assistant and I were walking back to my room to receive my pre-operative instructions. She turns to me and says "So, you know we are still waiting on your insurance to authorize your surgery, right?" I think I may have turned blue at this point. "WHAT?, its the day before surgery? this is supposed to happen tomorrow at 5 a.m." She opens the door to my room and says in a very ho hum manner,"I know, Doctor will be with you soon."
Okay so wait, the day before surgery this is sprung on me like baby daddy on a Maury show. I feel like they just told me the surgery was not my father and I have nothing left to do other than run back stage hurl in a ball and cry. I could yell obscenities and tell them to try again because I know that the surgery is the daddy. Then they would tell me they are 99.9% positive that its not. Back to reality I couldn't just hurl into a ball and cry, at least not in public anyway. In meeting with my doctor he told me insurance company's sometimes just like to give us a hard time and he was going to meet with them, have a peer to peer review and try to get'er done. Okay so maybe not in those exact words. But you get the point. To be honest I didn't feel to confident when I left the dr.s office. Even though he did say he'd try.
I waited for a phone call later that afternoon from my doctor. When they finally did call they said the peer to peer had been put off by the insurance company until Wednesday. I felt that my angels had stopped singing and the light slip through my hands. The surgery was cancelled. I still had hope for Wednesday though, I thought that will come I will have good news and just get everything rescheduled. WRONG! A big slap in the face was coming but I didn't know it.
I got the call Wednesday afternoon. "doctor wants to set up some pain management appointments". And that folks is where I am at currently...stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Will update soon :) for now peace out Girl Scouts!